Archive for the Spoken! Category

Magic Stick

Posted in Spoken! on September 5, 2009 by shammieg

After an unusually long drive from Whitby to Waterloo (3.5 hours) I finally moved all my possessions back into my apartment and managed to unpack everything in a decent amount of time before going about the usual at school routine of sitting around and watching football with a few beers in hand and cold pizza.

There is no feeling greater than knowing your car is sitting out back giving you the freedom to roam the city as you please while 90% of the students around you are limited to public transit and cabs. Bearing that thought in mind I went to bed a very happy man.

Today after waking up and doing nothing for a few hours I caught the urge to bake a frozen pizza in the oven. I waited a good 10 minutes for the oven to reach 450 degrees before realizing that out of the 5 of us living here, not 1 person thought to purchase or borrow a baking sheet. Refusing to re-freeze my pepperoni deluxe I decided to quickly run downstairs and borrow a sheet.

Upon entering the door I was asked by a friend if I’d taken a look at my car lately. My worst fear was that it had been broken into and my lone toonie which I planned to use on a Mcdouble at some point today was taken. Lucky for me nobody had gotten in and my toonie was still in place. However my car had been severely vandalized… No it didn’t get scarred by a key, or marred with paint, nor were the windows broken – in fact there was no physical damage done to it at all.

There was just a giant penis and scrotum made of rice, complete with twigs as ball hairs sitting on the roof of my car.

dicknballs

Another hilarious year ahead!

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Quickie

Posted in Spoken! on September 3, 2009 by shammieg

Don’t have too much time to say anything significant. Everyone needs to get Twitter in their lives though seriously!

Follow me on Twitter!

@shammieg

Another Return

Posted in Spoken! on August 12, 2009 by shammieg

It has been quite awhile since I’ve made a post as everything has been extremely busy lately. It seems that because its summer (although a shitty one weather wise) the full time staff at my work feel the need to call in sick everyday and simultaneously block their vacation days at the same time forcing part-timers such as myself to pick up their slack.

I’ve mentioned before that the house I work at has had a history of acting out and attacks on staff member and over the past few years everything has been calm…Yeah right!

I don’t know what it is about AugustĀ  but it has definitely brought out the worst behaviours which make work almost unbearable. Luckily for me my last shift, in Durham anyway, is the 25th August by which time I’d have completed my last exam for the summer and can finally go back to the days when summer was fun.

Everyone knows what I’m talking about. Back in elementary school when school was out and there was no work to worry about, or summer school to get ahead. We were able to do what we wanted, when we wanted and for however long we felt necessary.

Oh to be young again!

The Road to Recovery

Posted in Spoken! on July 19, 2009 by shammieg

Yes yes take the time to soak it in.

After a 6 month wait my toe nail has finally decided that we should part ways. This is actually the second time that it has happened in the past year and both causes were football and also not surprising was the fact that it was done by the foot of the same individual twice. For confidentiality purposes we’ll call him, Taurean Allen.

The first time he did it was last summer during a 1 on 1 drill which I eventually forgave although I had to endure dozens of comments letting me know how ugly my, at the time, black toe nail really was. It only took about 3 months to fall off and another 3 to heal and return to perfect form. So perfect in fact that the next 2-dozen comments were about how healthy and shiny the new nail looked.

Unfortunately for me this Taurean just happened to stomp on it again with his cleats during a drill only this time it was worse. What you see is the end result of a painful 6 months both physically and mentally. Like a phoenix however it will rise from its ashes in perfect form.

My foot could have used some lotion…

The MJ Fade-Away

Posted in Spoken! on June 27, 2009 by shammieg

I tried so hard not to talk on this subject but due to the load of facebook and other media provocation (and need for procrastination) I felt it necessary to express my feelings on the matter regardless of what everyone has to say about it.

As everyone knows by now Michael Jackson has passed away due to complications that arose from a severe heart attack in his rented home. Now I’m not one to mock the inevitable event of death because all of us have experienced the loss of someone or thing that is close to us, and I stress the word close.

Don’t get me wrong MJ was awesome, he dazzled fans with his voice and revolutionary dance moves. He wore those unforgettable sequence outfits that sparkled in the studio light, and the trademark glove with which he engaged in his patented crotch grab. The man is a legend no doubt.

All of this being said, I think about Michael Jackson and all that he has done and realize that when he was in his prime I had yet to take my first breath. And during the most significant parts of his career, my mind was in a stage of development that left me unable to retain any first hand memories of him. In fact, the year I turned 5 was when his image in the media changed and so those of my generation grew up hearing of Michael Jackson and his actions in a negative light which caused him to be comic material for the next 15 years following. But now that he’s dead speaking anything less than nicely about him is some kind of taboo?

Where was all of this outrage when Bernie Mac died?

Do Over

Posted in Spoken! on June 18, 2009 by shammieg

I’ve finally started working regularly this week but had today off which gave me a chance to do something I’ve been meaning to get done for awhile now. A couple weeks ago, I got my first tattoo done at Adrenalin downtown Whitby and at the time I was impressed with it more so because I finally got it done after having known what I wanted for about a year and a half. However, the guy inked me was apparently terrible at what he does because as every day passed I realize just how far from the drawing he was.

Thankfully I decided I only wanted the outline done at the time because a friend of mine later told me about a place in Pickering called Next of Skin that had recently opened up and was owned by an amazing tattoo artist who I know as “Tyler” and his awesome girlfriend who’s name I know not.

So anyway, I managed to go in last week and show him what I had done and he was able to squeeze me into his busy schedule. Because I went with my entourage I had to hide how extremely nervous I was about getting it done over for a second time, but in the end it was way worth it!

I’m gonna have to drop a before and after so people realize just how great of a job Tyler did:

Before

notice how small the letter e is in “Deep” also he decided that “runs” should take a lower case R..Not sure why.

After

After

Just over an hour later and all was restored to how it should have been in the first place. Tyler thought the rays would be a good effect and I agreed with him 100%. All that is left to do is add clouds to the bottom to fill it out, but that had to be saved for another appointment.

If I could give one piece of advice to anyone reading I’d say, go to Next of Skin if you want something done properly because I’m not the only one who’s gone to Adrenalin and came out dissatisfied… Just ask Hollis.

Gotta Make Those Simoleans!

Posted in Spoken! on June 5, 2009 by shammieg

Some of you may have seen that the latest release in Electronic Arts’ “The Sims” series is now out in stores. I’m sure by now everyone is aware of The Sims and its objectives. And even if you haven’t heard of it you’ve probably heard of one of the many spinoffs: Sim Railroad, Sim Hospital, Sim Tower, Sim Earth, Sim Ant, just to name a few. Honestly, there is a sim game for pretty much everything!

For those who still don’t know what The Sims is… Basically you create a graphical representation of yourself and live a simulated life where you can do whatever it is you’ve never had the balls to do in real life. I know right! So awesome.

I won’t even knock it because I’ve played since the first game, and even played this one for about an hour… I just feel like there comes a certain age where one should leave games like this alone and concentrate on other more important things like real life.

Thanks to internet piracy my older brother was able to receive a copy of the game relatively early. I came home and saw him playing around 1pm yesterday and thought nothing of it. Asked him if it was any good, any new features and the like. A few hours later, more like 5 hours later, I wanted to hit up the driving range so I went into his room but he declines saying he’s “trying to steal my boss’ wife ” oh well. More time passed and I saw him briefly when he came to eat dinner before disappearing back into his room…

The next day at around 12 in the afternoon, my younger brother asks me for a ride to the barber. I couldn’t take him because I was busy so he ends up asking my older brother who gets up pissed off and walks downstairs. He’d been up playing The Sims 3 until 6a.m.

When asked why, he said “I was trying to get to the top of the business industry so that I could buy more shares in some company’s. I’m getting old and I want to leave it all for my children so they’re in good standing from the get go.”

Can’t have his virtual children living the hard life in the slums of Sim Town, that would just be cruel!

sims